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Last Updated: Jul 10, 2008 - 12:32:05 PM |
Hello and welcome back to the Dogpound where time is lost, or so it seems.
Ever have a watch that lost time? Well, that is happening with my articles. I was sure I was a week ahead, but the Master calls and tells me that I am actually running neck to neck with the next issue. So to keep my readers from reading “old” recycled articles, I have had to put in a double shift. So enjoy while I go soak my poor fingers in warm water.
Thought of the Week
“Every job is a self portrait of the person who does it.” Dogpound Wisdom
Can You Brag?
A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his farm. After seeing the 1,000-acre spread, the Texan bragged that down home he could get into his car, drive all day, and by evening would not have gotten to the distant point of his ranch. The South Dakotan simply replied, “You know, I had a car like that once.”
Never Listen to the Voice
A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around; nobody’s there. “I am having hallucinations,” he thinks.
Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after a bit, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.
The deep voice says: OPEN!
Okay, the man thinks, let’s open the thing. He finds a rock with which to break the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins. The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO! Well, the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino.
The deep voice says: ROULETTE! So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables where the players gaze at him with disbelief. The deep voice says: 27! The man takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball. The ball stays at the 26.
The deep voice says: OOPS!
Be Warned
Guy #1: Hey, pal! How’s your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.
Guy #2: To tell you the truth, I’m really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.
Guy #1: You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I can’t believe it!
Guy #2: Well, yeah. After all, he’s a parrot fish.
Guy #1: I hate to tell you this, buddy, but while you might be able to teach a parrot bird to sing, you’re never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.
Guy #2: That’s what you think! He can sing all right. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key. It’s driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish? [Hey, I warned ya!]
As always be good, play safe, and remember to keep a copy of everything, just in case.
JR and Max
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