Valerie Dalton
Successful Relationships
By
Mar 26, 2008 - 10:44:41 AM

What makes a relationship successful? Ask that question to a hundred different people and you’ll probably get a hundred different answers. Some might feel that the key to having a loving and fulfilling relationship is sharing the same values and beliefs. Another might believe that sharing a strong friendship and always demonstrating respect for one another is the answer. Some might feel the key to success lies in having separate interests and passions.

Putting aside for now what research has determined to be the key ingredients to having a successful relationship, I’m interested to know what you think. I’ve decided to conduct a not-so-scientific poll to see what the readers of the Village News feel are the keys to having a successful relationship. Email me at valeriedaltonlpc@comcast.net and let me know your thoughts.  Don’t worry; no names will be shared. I plan to summarize your answers in my next column. I especially hope that those of you who have been married for many years will write and share your ideas with me.

In any relationship, getting to know your partner well is important to developing and maintaining a healthy relationship. Learning about your partner’s background, values, relationship skills, lifestyle preferences, and personality takes time.  Often in the early stages of a relationship, people may not want to ask their partner the tough questions.  They may find it challenging to really get to know the person they’re dating, yet taking the time and making the effort usually pays off in the long run.    

In her book, The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do”,  Susan Piver offers questions about home, money, work, sex, community, and family that couples should ask one another before getting married.  For those of you who are already married, answering these questions might help you to develop a deeper understanding of one another. 

A few of the questions Piver encourages her readers to ask one another are: “Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Who keeps the household books and pays the bills?  What kinds of purchases must be jointly decided upon? If one of us doesn’t want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay? And, how much time will each of us spend with our children?”

Piver points out that most relationships don’t usually end because people stop loving one another; they usually end because one partner doesn’t like the life they see themselves having with their partner. Taking the time to get to know the person you want to be in a relationship with can help you to identify if there’s long-term compatibility. It can also help you to identify that while you may love the person, you might not be able to live with them.

Rainer Maria Rilke, a German poet, wrote, “For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.”

I hope you’ll write and let me know what you think are the keys to having a successful relationship.  I look forward to hearing from you.

This column is for informational purposes only.  Clinical issues should be directed to a licensed clinician or your physician.  Valerie Dalton, M.Ed. is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice serving adolescents and adults.  For more information about her counseling and consulting services, please call 743-7736 or visit www.valeriedaltonlpc.com.


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