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Last Updated: Nov 14, 2008 - 12:49:26 PM |
I share my story with you today in the hopes that it may, in some way, help you to better understand the impact that brain disorders have on families.
I have chosen not to share my full name because some of my family members desire not to have their identities exposed. I want to share my story with you because I want those of you who have family members with brain disorders to know that you’re not alone. I understand the loss and grief that you may experience when your loved one receives a diagnosis of mental illness. I also know the joy that comes with recovery. I offer my story as words of hope for those of you who are suffering. Here is my story.
In 1979, I lost my 13-year-old son to suicide. Four years later, in 1983, I lost a loving husband and friend of 20 years to delusions that were a part of his illness. At that time there was no hope and no recovery; there was only anger, fear, grief, and misunderstanding. My whole family suffered. Slowly I began to realize that it was the illness, not the people I loved, that had caused my pain.
I began to learn more about the illnesses known then as mental illness. It was none too soon because over the next five to ten years, other members of my family began showing symptoms of various brain disorders. When this crisis began, things were different. We had hope; hope because we knew more about what we were dealing with, hope because they could offer support to one other, and hope because of the new understanding about the causes of and treatments for brain disorders.
Times were not easy; we said and did the wrong things many times. We struggled to find the best treatment and professionals to assist our family members. Everyone had to make their own determination about what was best for them and their families. This was perhaps the hardest part for me. Knowing that my family members were capable of making their own life decisions, I had to learn to offer support and guidance when asked. It was not up to me to control their lives; I had to let go.
At times, my struggles have been arduous and difficult. I still hold my breath when the phone rings in the middle of the night and there are times when I grow tired of the illness. As I have watched my children learn to deal with their illnesses and grow into responsible loving adults, I know it’s been worth it.
We have all survived and today my family is well. We continue to share memories – good and bad, and we celebrate birthdays and special occasions together. My children are living full lives and are not only able to take care of themselves, but they love and care for those around them.
Yes, there are still minor crises, but we know to watch and not let symptoms get out of control. My children are their own support team. They are on the recovery road. My “new” husband of 20+ years and I have our own lives. We travel when we can, make plans with our friends, and lead a full and happy life.
This column is for informational purposes only. Clinical issues should be directed to a licensed clinician or your physician. Valerie Dalton, M.Ed. is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice serving adolescents and adults. For more information about her counseling and consulting services, please call 743-7736 or visit www.valeriedaltonlpc.com.
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