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Last Updated: Nov 14, 2008 - 12:49:26 PM |
Here in Chesterfield County, we have a little experience with the controversy related to an unexpectedly large voter turnout. Even though our officials tried to deal with the situation in a way that they assumed would be fair, we have been painted with the unfair brush of being unfair. If there is anything we Americans pride ourselves on, it is fair elections. We even go out of our way to send everyone’s favorite ex-president around the world to monitor elections when he’s not too busy attacking American policy in his endless nonpartisan foreign press assault on every president who isn’t a member of his party. That’s right, we are the world’s example of fair elections; they are honest, upright, and transparent, just like a Florida Room.
As the Forever Election heads into the home stretch, people have suddenly discovered ACORN. This is like suddenly discovering China, which, if you listen to the debates, neither of our candidates has done yet. ACORN has been around for many years, receiving government funds with a mandate to elect radical left-wing politicians and bully lending institutions into lending money to people who can’t pay it back. Unlike so much of the money the government pours down the rat hole, these guys give us real value for our investment. They were instrumental in manufacturing the subprime explosion, which has dealt a heavier blow to our economy than 9-11, which was designed by our designated enemies to cripple our economy. As the always-screaming pitchmen of late night constantly shriek, but that’s not all! ACORN has also given the kleptomaniacs who masquerade as our leaders a great opportunity to hold photo op investigations where they can pontificate about how diligent they were while they look for some scapegoat to take the fall for what they themselves have done. Now that’s getting banged for your buck.
Coming from Chicago, where the saying “Vote early and vote often” isn’t a joke, this 23rd hour discovery that ACORN is in the business of registering invisible voters makes me wonder who’s running these campaigns. Mickey Mouse? No, it couldn’t be him; he’s too busy voting. My aunt told me stories of how she paid for her county job by voting in multiple precincts under different names, using a list supplied to her each election by her local Community Organizer, only back then they called them Ward Healers. I was once given a no-work county job where the hardest part was stopping by every few weeks to pick up my check, so I didn’t mind that they subtracted dues for the Cook County Democratic Party directly from my check like FICA, even though I wasn’t a member of the party. We called it “just paying your dues.”
So now that the comatose campaign finally roused itself to semi-consciousness and began to wonder, “How can Cincinnati have more voters than they have people?” do they honestly expect those of us who had the blessings of growing up in the City That Works to act surprised? Come on; as our leaders always used to say, “Forget about it.” While the inept Democrats in the South used poll taxes and literacy tests to ensure fair elections, our guys perfected the art of getting dead people to vote. While others wasted their time with hanging chads and busing felons to the polls, our guys just made sure that no matter who you voted for, a vote was registered for the Dailey machine. Finally, the blessings of Chicago-style democracy rolled out on a national scale. Now instead of just organizing our community, Richard the Second and his brother Bugsy will have the opportunity to organize an entire country. Many who are amazed that the boys who managed to own a state have been able to translate this thing of theirs to a national stage shouldn’t be surprised. Any party that can convince African-Americans that the party of Lincoln and Frederick Douglass is racist and the party of Jeff Davis and Wallace is not ought to be able to convince us that a red flag is just as good as one that’s red, white, and blue. Who knows? Maybe we won’t even notice the difference.
So when you hear people belly-aching about voter fraud, just remember these are the same elitists who think we should discriminate against dead people, four-year-olds, and cartoon characters. The next thing you know, these anti-deadites will say banks should only loan money to people who can pay it back, and only people with a pulse should vote. Besides, if you talk about fixed elections too loud, yous could end up sleepin wit da fishes.
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