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Last Updated: Nov 14, 2008 - 12:49:26 PM |
There are times, as a mother, that you feel so utterly alone, it takes your breath away. These moments of melancholy begin almost at the onset of giving birth. You feel alone with these overwhelming feelings of love and you think that no one can possibly understand this powerful feeling that is exploding in your chest, as you look at this tiny human you made. You feel powerful, prideful, full of love, and alone. You can’t share these things with your husband; he is in his own new daddy world experiencing things that you do not. It is peaceful, this aloneness; there is a state of grace that comes with bringing the newborn home. As a mother, you feel that it is just you and the baby and no one else. It is peace.
You then move on to the next stage of aloneness, when the toddler no longer depends solely on you. He wants to do things himself and becomes independent in some areas of his life. Again, you begin to feel alone. For the first year of his life, you were needed and were there for everything in his little world. Now, he begins to experience things on his own, as he should, but it’s hard for you; you are not his everything anymore.
Then there are always the days, such as this one, where you are feeling that nobody loves you, everybody hates you, and you think you will go eat some worms. Your day at work was not the greatest, and your husband was in a mood when you came home. You can deal, but it was the blatant dismissal of you by your child that caused you to come undone completely. You can handle all of the other day-to-day issues, but when the center of your universe chooses Daddy over you, when you’re already emotionally tottering due to a stressful day, it breaks you. How pitiful are you? At this point, extremely pitiful. Picture this, child ignoring you upstairs, husband cozily reading books to said child, and you sitting on the side of the tub crying downstairs, ALONE. Get the point here. Is this a never-ending cycle? You imagine that this is an on-going part of motherhood.
Tomorrow the sun will rise, and you will not feel alone. You will feel as you do most days, abundantly blessed. You are eager to start the day with your child and husband by your side, and do things as a family as you most always do. You will be greeted with a grin and a sloppy kiss from both child and husband and you will be on your merry way, not alone.
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